Write Market

I wrote this article a while ago, but was reminded of it when I recently was in a conference room, meeting with coworkers, when two other people from the company came in and sat down.  Granted, it was 3 pm – time for our meeting to end and theirs to begin, but typically, someone will poke their head into the room, letting you know that it’s their turn.  Then they give you a minute to clear out.  No, they just came in and sat down.

So I’m revisiting this.  I should start by saying if you’re looking for the typical corporate crap like, “don’t show up late” or “don’t monopolize the conversation”, this isn’t the post for you.  My feeling is…  If you’re old enough to sit at the adult table, you should already have these basic social skills.

This list, instead, goes beyond that – to the stuff people should REALLY  know not to do, but yet, I’ve witnessed it.  This list starts with the one I was most recently victim to, and hence serves as the the inspiration here:

1. Don’t bring garlic-laden food into the meeting.  And if you do, don’t open your mouth to speak – especially not in my direction, as I sit next to you, quietly stifling my gag reflex.
2. Don’t chew with your mouth open.  We shouldn’t have to ask the speaker to talk louder so we can hear him or her over your cow sounds.
3. Don’t display bad habits like chewing on your finger nails.  I once listened to a colleague bite off fingernail after fingernail until I wanted to punch him in the throat.
4. Don’t text.  If we all sat in the meeting emailing and texting on our cell phones and blackberries, we wouldn’t be having a meeting.  By doing that, you just send a message that you think you’re busier and/or more important than the rest of us, and you’re not.
5. Don’t bring your pet into the conference room.  Sure, Mr. Fluffers is cute and all, but the pile of shit he left under the conference table was a real meeting-ender.
6. Don’t repeat what everyone else said just to look like you have something to say.  I’d like to say it;s obvious and useless at the same time, but you may end up with a boss like I had a couple of jobs ago.  You could repeat back every word he said, and he’d look at you like you were a genius.  That’s how much he appreciated his own words.
7. Don’t go off-topic just because you had an idea and thought this was the time and place to share it.  Because it isn’t.  If you can start the sentence with “This may be a little off-topic…” then keep it to yourself.
8. Don’t bring up personal anecdotes to prove how “in the know” you are.  You aren’t, and nobody cares.

This is just stuff I can recall off the top of my head.  Please feel free to submit additions and share.  My hope is that this would find its way back to the offenders, but the reality is that they probably wouldn’t recognize themselves.  Except maybe for the girl whose puppy left the conference room rank for a week.

Tags: humor, job, meeting, work